For nearly 30 years now, I have worked with many lawyers, who look and sound successful, have impressive educations from top tier universities and high level careers . . . but lack true confidence.
They wear a mask of confidence, but deep down inside they are actually afraid they are not smart enough, special enough, talented enough, beautiful enough or wise enough. They live in fear that someone or some event with remove their mask and the 'jig will be up.'
Have you ever felt that way?
A person having a lack of true confidence can surprisingly come across as
working unrealistically hard
chasing the myth of 'self-perfection' and/or expecting perfection in others
A lack of true confidence It can also look like this:
a tendency to perpetually second guess yourself
choosing to innocuously follow instead of lead
remaining silent, knowing you have the answer or solution to a problem but unwilling to defend any scrutiny that may come your way as a result of speaking up
playing small and staying in the background, because you do not want to make a 'waves,' mistake or fail
And this is where so many get the truth about confidence completely wrong.
Confidence is not arrogance nor does it result from a long list of achievements.
Confidence is at the core of every success and every failure.
One of my favorite quotes ever is attributed to Henry Ford: "If you think you can or think you can't, you're right."
Please always 'think you can.' Why?
Because even if you are unable to do something exactly the way you want or exactly as you imagined, you can choose to believe that it can and will do so next time or the time after that.
In order to be truly confident, you have to understand what confidence is and what it is not.
According to Merriam Webster's Dictionary, CONFIDENCE IS . . .
• a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances;
• the quality or state of being certain
Though Confidence is certainty - it is not the absence of vulnerability or of making a mistake, being wrong or not knowing the answer.
In fact, they all very often co-exist. All are true!
Confidence is all about your mindset.
Confidence is acting with the certainty that right now you are enough. What you know is enough. What you believe is enough. What you imagine is enough.
Confidence is making decisions for yourself and others in your personal and professional life based upon the information, knowledge and skill set you have at that moment and all of that is enough. This allows you to serve as an effective lawyer and leader at work and loving partner and/or parent at home because you confidently trust who you are.
Confidence is acting with the certainty that you lead and advise effectively from your truth and the place of your highest and best, which is enough.
Confidence is being perfectly okay with being wrong, even failing.
You trust and honor your inner wisdom
You trust your years of experience
You trust your successes which sometimes were won through failure
You trust the reflection of what others see in you by way of their compliments, respect and value of having you in their life
So, how can YOU become more confident?
Check out Life School for Lawyers to find out more.
Lakeshia S. Ekeigwe
Download your *FREE* copy of 3 Huge Mistakes Women Lawyers Make and How You Can Avoid Them.
As always, I would love for you to share this article with your friends. You never know what someone is going through. It might just be the encouragement they need today. They will love you for it and so will I.
About Lakeshia Ekeigwe. Lakeshia coaches and mentors successful women lawyers to create balance in their life, business & relationships resulting in them enjoying successful careers and leading happy and fulfilled personal lives. I help women lawyers just like you using my signature Rapid Clarity Coaching Process. You can learn more about how I do that here.